Pray the Lord my Soul to Keep
by lostsoul512
Summary: Adara: beautiful, but she doesnt know that. All she knows is that Nothing is her best friend. So when he decides to run away in search of his real family, she has no choice but to go with him on what turns out to be the most shocking adventure yet.
1. Chapter 1

I am Nothing and nothing is all I shall ever be. I will never change the world. I will never reach out to someone else and alter their life in any way shape or form.. The people I meet will not remember me. And I will never be in love.

My name is Adara, or so they tell me. I am fifteen and not particularly memorable. But I was told once that my eyes shone brighter than the moon, and things like that then to stick to you. I don't think my heart has even beaten so fast.

There is a place for people like me, the lost, hopeless, soulless creatures that stalk the night. The children that paint their eyes black and their lips blood-red. Somewhere in this Godforsaken world there is a place for us. And I will find it. I will find them. And I will be home.

"Hey, Adara, you got a match?"

The voice pulls me from my self-induced haze. Well, maybe not entirely self induced. But mostly. I look up through the veil I've created with my long black hair. It's not natural, of course, but then again what really is? These days it seems like you can change almost anything you want on the drop of a hat. New name, new hair color, practically new face. You can create yourself into anything you want.

I pull a packet from my pocket, tossing across the room. The speaker in question catches it. It's his room we're in now, because he's rich and his parents don't give a damn what he does. The blonde looks up at me and smiles. His eyes are so bright, so innocent.

He's not, of course. None of us are.

"Thanks," Laine replies, striking one to light his cigarette. On the bed beside him, his girlfriend is sitting, looking around in boredom. Or, at least, she _thinks_ she is his girlfriend. I question just how into her Laine really is. Julie, her name is.

My own amber gaze drops back to the carpeted floor. I don't want to be here. Not really. I don't fit in with these kids, these posers. They are so quick to accept their fate, so resigned to sit here and wallow in their pity. And all I can think about is getting out, getting out and nevernevernever coming back.

"Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. Fucking teacher gave me detention…"

I twist my body around towards the source of the voice. It's coming from the doorway, and I know it well. After all, it belongs to my best friend. And every time hear it, it damn near breaks my heart. Shattered. Everything about him is so fragmented. Like me. And together in our brokenness, we complete each other.

Nothing comes into the room, trying to look confident and failing miserably. Not that it matters. None of the kids here are paying attention to him, except for Laine. And me, but that's a given.

Laine stands up and approaches him, leaving his so-called girlfriend behind. We all know he's into guys. Most of us are bi, and those who aren't pretend or get so high they cant tell the difference anyway.

I bring myself to my feet as well, reaching Nothing before Laine. His smile is golden, and so I offer up a little smile of my own. Nothing knows it's forced.

"Adara," he says, his way of greeting me. My name falls from his lips like honey. But before he can say whatever it is he wanted to, Laine is up beside us. He's a year younger, not that we pay much attention to age. But his eyes stare up at Nothing and I can see it there- raw adoration and a deep longing for something _more_. He wants him in every way possibly.

Nothing, of course, is oblivious. "Hey, Laine," he acknowledges in a lazy tone. "What's up?"

Laine shrugs a little. "Dunno. I'm so goddamn bored. I'm so sick of this scene."

Nothing looks away for the briefest of moments. Although he says not a word, I know by the spark in his eyes that he's been thinking the exact same thing. We all think it. But Nothing is fearless. He's the kind of guy that would actually have the spine to get out before _they_ get a hold of him.

"Yeah," he murmurs at last. "This place is a joke."

We go on in this meaningless exchange for a few moments, and then Laine leaves us and returns to Julie. I glance over my shoulder as they fall back into the bed, rolling around and sort of half-kissing. However one manages that.

I turn back to Nothing, jumping a little. His eyes, the most precise mixture of green and blue and grey, are fixated on me in a stare that chills me to the core. To that empty place where I know my soul should be.

"He's ridiculous," Nothing stated softly, only for me to hear.

"He's definitely _something_," I reply. I'm looking at the wall beyond his head because I think if I meet his gaze again it just might kill me. Laine's got this huge poster of Robert Smith that makes me want to shoot myself.

Nothing smiles a little. "We need to hang soon," he tells me. "I feel like I never see you anymore."

"You don't," I reply, hating how harsh the words come out. It's like I'm incapable of dropping my guard, never mind that I trust Nothing with my life. That's sort of, like, part of the best friend package deal. _Trust_.

Nothing goes silent again. I know him well enough to know what he's doing: he's coping. He's shutting himself off, falling away from the world, into a better place. He's making himself into _nothing_. I don't know where he goes or what he does there, but when he does go, I can see on his face that it's a hell of a lot better than here.

Eventually the crowds start to break up. Kids start to leave for home, or wherever they go after the party ends. I watch without really seeing from where I'm sitting alone on the floor. My knees are pulled to my chest, my chin resting upon them. I've wrapped my arms around my body in a pathetic attempt to hold myself together.

Julie gets up from Laine's bed, her teased-up red hair all tangled around her face. She walks over to Nothing, pulling something from her bag and handing it to him. I frown slightly as I watch the one-sided trade. Then Julie's leaving out the door, and I realize that there are only three of us left.

Rising to my feet, I look over to Nothing and Laine. Nothing is doing his own personal version of a smile, which looks much too painful to be a happy notion. Laine looks sort of irritated. I know he wants me to leave so that ha can have some alone time with Nothing.

Forcing my own chapped lips to curl up, I lift my hand in a feeble wave. "I'll see you guys later, I guess," I mumble. Neither of them call me back. But I can feel that heavy stare upon my back as I retreat. Watching me. Waiting, maybe, though I cant imagine what for.

Nothing. I am nothing. And he is nothing. And two nothings don't amount to much of anything.


	2. Chapter 2

In the suburbs, the only indication that time is going by is the daylight fading into night. Otherwise, everything seems to flow together in one never-ending day.

By Friday, I'm more than ready for the weekend. All I want to do is go home and sleep. Maybe manage to forget about the real world for a little bit.

Things do not go my way, though I should have known they wouldn't. After school, Laine comes up to me in the hallway. "Jack and them are hanging out at Skittle's after school," he tells me. It's an open invitation, and I'm almost certain of the reason why. He's hoping that if I show, Nothing will show as well. I manage to swallow my disgust.

His wide blue eyes are locked with mine as he waits. And all the while I'm wondering what could have possibly happened to this boy, so young, to break him so. To all of us, really. What had led us to choose this path of pain?

"Okay," I say at last. My heart is on the verge of bursting when a smile comes over his lips. "Fine."

The pizza joint called Skittle's is the closest thing we have to a hang out. It's small and has an all-around air of neglect. Mostly it's vacated aside from Jack's gang. He's the oldest of us, and so considers himself the king of the scene.

There is about six of us huddled around a table, laughing at nothing whatsoever, having ourselves a great little time. I smile and laugh along with them, because that is what friends are supposed to do. All the while I keep glancing over my shoulder towards the door. Waiting. Hoping that maybe the next time I look Nothing will be strolling through the door to join me.

Laine is sitting beside me, looking somewhat out of place. But he's not over-trying, which is one of the things I really do admire about him. He's not faking it for adoration. He really doesn't care.

"Where's your friend?" Jack asked me suddenly. I turn my head to meet his steely gray eyes, shrugging a little. I know he means Nothing.

"Probably at home," I reply. My heart speeds up a little bit at the mere thought of Nothing. I push all thoughts of him away.

Obviously Jack isn't that interested, because he's already turned away, talking to Sioux, who's sitting beside him. I'm not sure if they're together or not, but I can tell his hand is straying under the table.

The sudden ringing of the phone causes me to jump. The man behind the counter grabs it roughly and brings it to his ear, barking a hello. Probably a call-in. Or so I think. But then the man is holding it out. "Jack? It's for you."

I watch with a dull interest as Jack slides out of the booth and walks over to the phone. The rest of our group has gone silent, listening, trying to decipher what's being said on the other side.

"Gas isn't free, dude," he says into the receiver. More buzzing from the other side. Then Jack drops his voice a little. "Okay. I can take you tonight."

As all this is transpiring, Laine is literally climbing over my lap to get to the phone. We all had a feeling who it was, and Jack has just confirmed it. Because he's the only one who would ever actually do it. And now, it looks as though he's made up his mind.

There is no way to deny the hurt that's steadily building in my chest. He cant be leaving, not for real. What am I to do here all alone? Who will talk to me on the phone late at night, when our parents believe we are tucked in bed like the fallen angels we are? Slowly, slowly, my heart is racing faster. My throat is constricting. I think I may be sick. Because I'm realizing now what I've been trying to hide: Nothing is my everything.

"Hey, Laine wants to talk to you," Jack says quickly, but by the look on his face I know that Nothing has already hung up. The two boys return to the table with varied expressions.

"Nothing's leaving," Jack says with little to no emotion. "Heading south tonight. Don't know where he's going."

We all nod or show various signs of response. I move over in the booth so that Laine can sit beside me. His eyes are fixed on the ground, but I can clearly see the pain there. I reach over to take his hand in my own, caressing it gently.

Hours go by. Only the clock on the wall and the steadily darkening sky tells me that. We sit and talk and smoke, but the general cheer has worn off. We cant believe it's actually happening. One of us is finally getting away.

When at last he arrives, there are hardly any of us left. Nothing has a bag thrown over his shoulder. As soon as jack sees him he heaves a great sigh and rises. "Alright," he declares. "Let's go."

We step outside into the cool night air. Above us the stars twinkle, shining just for us. Nothing falls into step beside me, his face perfectly expressionless. Laine is beside him, trying desperately to get a reaction out of him. "You should have called me. I would have gone with you. I hate it here too."

Nothing still keeps silent, until we are a few feet away from the car. "Can you give us a minute?" he asks Laine. The blonde boy eyes me with a mixture of wariness and envy, but at last he steps away.

Nothing turns to face me full on, his eyes seeming to look right through me. I offer up a shaky smile. "You'll be happier," I whisper. I think I'm trying to convince myself more than him.

"No," he says then, catching me off guard. "I wont be happy unless you come with me."

My lips open and close several times in a failed attempt to form words. Nothing… wants me to go with him? All this time I thought he was trying to leave us all behind. I don't think I've ever felt so many emotions at one time.

"I don't…" excuses start to pour out, but I silence myself quickly. Of course I would go with him. Because, really, what other choice do I have?

"Okay," I reply softly.

Nothing smiles for real. It's the most beautifully tragic thing I've ever seen. "Perfect."

Yes.

Perfect.

Now the road is stretched out before us. I do not know where it will lead, but I know that I will not be alone. Before I climb into Jack's beat up old car, I throw one last look up at the stars. Thank you, I say to them silently.

Nothing, Laine and I climb into the back; Jack and Sioux get in the front. As the car engine roars to life, I allow a real grin onto my lips. As the night ends, my life is about to begin. I can feel it. I can feel it waiting for me. Whatever's out there, I'm on my way


	3. Chapter 3

I've always talked about how I can't wait to get out of this damned town. Whenever someone would me I won't want to leave, I'd just laugh.

Now that it's actually time to go, I find that I can barely hold my emotion in.

Nothing and I climb off the Greyhound bus somewhere in Virginia. I'm not sure where. He's barely spoken two words since Jack dropped us, and I cant deny I'm almost worried about him. I didn't know what had triggered his sudden need to get out; all I knew was that somehow, I'd be okay because I was with him. Everything is changing around us. I can feel it in the very air I breathe. Somehow…somehow… things are beginning again. A new beginning, I think to myself. Hopefully with a better ending.

The streets are very nearly empty here. Nothing and I walk in silence until we come across a small building. A diner, I note.

Just before we reach the door, I stop. It takes him a minute, but then he realizes the sound of his Converse is no longer echoed by my own. He too comes to a halt, turning slowly to face me. "You okay?" he asks me softly. I think it's the first time he's spoken since we left.

I nod a little, mostly because I cant stomach the look that's come over his face. Pain like that… it isn't meant to be felt. I cant understand Nothing, cant understand _what_ it is he's so damn unhappy about. He's out, isn't he?

He's got me, doesn't he?

Why would he ask me along if he isn't even going to talk to me, if my presence is not a comfort to him I want very badly to see into his mind, to comprehend the thoughts that spiral there in the shadowy depths. I want to take them and find a light bright enough to shine them all away. But I'm scared. I'm scared of what I might find there. It occurs to me that, despite being my best friend, I know very little about this boy.

"Good," Nothing replies. "I couldn't live with myself if you were unhappy."

I take a slow step towards him, pulled by some invisible force. But Nothing counters it with a step away. It's as if he thinks I'm going to hurt him. Or something worse.

"Come on," he says quietly. "Let's go in."

I'm not sure what Nothing hopes to accomplish in the diner. We have about a dollar left and I know that Nothing is the type of guy who will spend it on something really spontaneous and quite possibly pointless. My stomach is growling something fierce, but I've attempted to push the thought of food from my mind. Who knows when we'll eat again, or- I shudder a little- what we'll have to do to get the money for food.

Nothing's staring out the window, watching the cars that go by every few minutes. I sigh inside. He may be right across the table from me, but I don't think I've ever felt so distant from him. Nothing and I grew up together. Our parents were friends. We sat along together and watched our classmates enjoy their youth, all the while wondering what about us made us so different. When we started hanging out with Jack's group, with the other kids of our town that liked to smear black around their eyes and hide inside themselves, I think that was when the distance really began. Nothing was spending a lot of time alone or hanging out with Laine. I fell into the other kids, accepting their stoner lifestyle as my own. Maybe it wasn't real happiness, but I can guarantee no one could tell the difference.

"Can I ask you something?" I say then, surprising myself, because I know I hadn't willed my mouth to form the words. Nothing looks over to me, our eyes locking in a steady gaze.

"Of course," he replies without conviction.

"Why'd you decide to go? Why now?"

A slight frown creases his brow. Contemplating. "Adara," he says at last. "Those aren't my real parents back there. It was all a ploy."

Now I'm the one frowning. "What do you mean?" I ask, my voice rising a few octaves due to the excitement flowing through my veins. Call me superficial, but scandals like that just don't happen in our town. It was practically unheard of.

Nothing nods as if it's no big deal. I wonder if he will ever show his real emotions. I wonder why he feels like he has to conceal himself from me. What is he afraid of?

"I was left on their doorstep as a baby, along with a note telling them my name was Nothing," he explains. I can barely believe what I'm hearing. I wonder if he has ever told anyone besides me, or if I'm the first. The feeling of distance fades away a bit.

"I know I have a real family out there somewhere," he says, his own voice growing somewhat breathless. "And I'm going to find them."

"But they could be anywhere," I tell him, not that it's going to faze him. I imagine Nothing and I stealing a car, a nice Mustang or something, and travelling across the country in search for his parents. We'd be like Bonnie and Clyde all over again, only we would find a way to live forever.

Nothing reaches into his backpack and pulls out a cassette tape, one I don't recognize. The cover is cheaply made, meaning the band must be pretty underground. Lost Souls? is scrawled on it in crayon.

I look up at him, knitting my brows into a frown. "Okay…" I trail off. "I'm not catching your drift."

Nothing, in spite of himself , lets a grin come onto his lips, which only irritates me further.

"We're going here," he tells me excitedly. "To the place this band is from. We're going to find them."

"We're stalking a band no one's ever heard of?"

Nothing shrugs. "Sure, if that's how you want to think of it. But I know that I'll find my family if I fid them."

I don't say anything then. I don't ask him how exactly he knows this or what he's going to do if the band- Lost Souls? What a stupid name- turns him out. I just pull out a cigarette and light it up, bringing it to my lips and taking a drag.

I think that Nothing may have finally lost it. But if he is set on going after this band, then I'll follow to the end. That's what best friends do; they stand by each other no matter what.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So, guess what? A) I really hate this story. It sounded so much nicer in my head than it ever came out. The idea of Adara was one I'd been entertaining for some time, but I believe some things are just not meant to be unleashed. And B) no one ever read it to begin with. So, really, I am just relieving myself. And I sort of feel awful, but not really.

Days go by, miserable, agonizing days. Already my mind is attempting to block them out, that freak albino and the junkie biker. I've known a lot of strange people, but it seems that my small home town was nothing compared to the real world. I still have to squeeze my eyes shut when I think about the things Nothing's done to get us here.

Here. We are sitting side by side in yet another diner as the biker- Spooky, what the hell kind of name is that- slumps against the surface. My eyes have been staring out the window. I am trying not to pay attention to Nothing, who is trembling slightly. I refuse to believe that he just shot heroin into his veins. Pot is one thing. Junk is… another. Another league of drugs entirely.

"We should go," he murmurs, his voice almost emotionless. There is a slight rush to his words, though. I swivel my body around on the vinyl of the booth until we are facing each other. Our legs are pressed against each other, but I'm trying very hard not to notice.

A million words want to pour out of my mouth, but all I can do is sit there and stare up into Nothing's eyes. I've seen those eyes a thousand times before but I don't think I've ever felt so uncomfortable. Nothing and I have been through everything together. There isn't supposed to be any awkwardness between us now. Yet I'm having a hard time swallowing and my stomach is alive with butterflies.

"Adara," he says at the exact same time I blurt out, "Nothing."

With a shaky laugh, I nod a little. "Go ahead."

He shakes his own, the black tresses dancing around his pallid face. There is something frighteningly beautiful there. It scares me and enchants me all at once. I know that I am safe with him, though. Nothing would nevernevernever do anything to hurt me.

"You first," he tells me.

"Fine," I say with a tiny smile. "Why did you want me to come with you?"

Nothing looks at me in astonishment. All the while I'm wondering why I can never seem to keep my mouth shut and take a good moment for what it is.

"You're my best friend, Adara. Of course I wanted you with me. And I couldn't very well leave you with those posers, could I?"

My smile grows wider, brighter. "No, I suppose not."

Nothing reaches out, then, tentatively, to take my hand. His slender fingers wrap around my own, ice cold on my bare flesh. They are tracing patterns, shapes, words- I don't really know. But there are chills running up my spine and shudders threatening to overtake my body. My mind is wandering into places I know it shouldn't, wondering how it would feel to have his hands all over my body, his mouth against mine, his-

No.

"Your turn," I say breathlessly.

Nothing grins a little, looking quite devious indeed. "Never mind," he replies. "I think I already know the answer."

We are still holding hands when we emerge from the diner into the blinding sunlight. Spooky had finally gotten us to the North Carolina border, and now it's all a matter of getting to Missing Mile. A shiver runs through me at the mere name of the town. It sounds very dangerous indeed, and certainly the type of place Nothing would come from.

"So, now what?" I ask him. I'm hungry and tired and the last thing I feel like doing is hitching a ride with another creep who just wants Nothing or me to blow him.

Nothing stops walking then, and because we are holding hands I have no choice but to do the same. He somehow manages to turn me around so that we are mere inches apart. I let out a gasp, my gaze flickering from his eyes to his lips and back again.

Just when I think he might lean forwards and quite possibly kiss me, there comes a loud screech of tires from around the corner. Nothing all but rips himself away from me, leaving me dazed and confused.

My gaze moves to the road, where I see a black van hurling itself around the corner. The windows are rolled down; I can hear the obnoxious wail of Bowie coming from within.

Nothing's eyes are wide and glossy. His lips part and two words tumble out. Two words that ensure that from this moment forth things will never be the same.

"They're here."


End file.
